Showing posts with label Illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Illness. Show all posts

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Gritting My Teeth Over: Being Angry at God

A cat fell out of the sky yesterday morning at 4:00 a.m.
.... Landed on me in my bed
....... Took off running as if nothing had really happened
...
I have yet to repair the ceiling fabric where she went through.
.
Did I mention that I have an undiagnosed illness?
.... Nausea starts an hour after waking; bout the same time the nose bleeds start
....... Take nausea to bed with me.
............ Sometimes I'm so tired that I have to eat a high-energy meal and drink a cup of coffee in order to wake up enough to fall asleep at night.
....
Doctors say it is a mental illness because, after all, who else looks up their symptoms on the Internet to find a disease that matches?
.

My work could not get done during normal business hours. So, I'm at work on Sunday, finishing up.

The problem is: if God were good, would I be sick?

If God were good, would cats fall out of the rafters on me in the wee hours when I so desparately need rest?

If God were good, wouldn't I have a house that is fully remodeled, not one that has exposed rafters, which a creative cat can find her way up to?

So, I'm driving to work this morning, pissed as all get out at God.

And the sky was blue.
I *know* who created that
The trees were my favorite color of ashen gray.
The wind was chilly and exhilarating.
You ever hear people speak of a lover whom they can never stay mad at?
That's the feeling.
I love Him. I'm just angry at something he hasn't done yet.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”- Joshua 1:9